Friday, August 12, 2005

Daze end

I don't want most days to end...even the tough days. I don't think it is fear for the next day because I see God's new mercies each day...like a new car battery from a beloved family. I wonder if it is the daze I feel...the kind of look a dog has when they want to show you they are listening but they just kind of tilt their head. Michael knew "dog speak." He would give these running monologues of what a dog was saying...complete with the character of the dog wherever it was; in the back of a truck or sitting on a driver's lap looking like it was trying to drive.

I watched a movie and pondered the emotions it stirred up. Thursday nights were always like our "Friday nights." Sometimes we would watch a movie and most always we would mull over the characters, the acting, and the applications we could make to life. We watched Luther the night before his journey to Jesus. What an amazing movie...not just the acting, but the history and it's impact on the church. Have we moved on from pondering those issues? Do we have a sort of cultural Christianity at times. Guess that would be a different discussion.

I had a striking feeling of aloneness on one of my trips across town today. It sort of reminded me of that Garfunkel song, "My Little Town." I like our little town...seeing friends at the store and buying produce at the produce stands. I miss sharing this ever-changing little town with my best friend. Sometimes I think I'll pass him--riding in the bike lane.

I procrastinate going to bed..(even though my oldest asks me if I am going to turn off the computer soon)...so I picked up one of our wedding albums. The pictures in my wedding album are falling out...you know...."non-archival, acidic paper with environmentally unfriendly plastic"....some of the pictures are on posters we used at Michael's Celebration of Life service. Guess that's one more thing I need to take care of...but I do need to sleep...to rest...in our Lord. I know "He gives to His beloved even in his sleep." Ps. 127:2

Thank you for trudging through the fog with me,
Annie B.

3 Comments:

At 5:17 AM, Anonymous Pat Lee said...

I love you, Annie. My heart aches for you.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger Sandi said...

Annie, so much to be learned and known and felt before we meet our Savior. I have never been able to learn and know and feel so much about Jesus from one individual than from you. Thank you for truely surrendering your life 100% to the Lord in every ... absolutely every situation ... because an out-take of that is spiritual growth for others ... especially me! I encourage you to continue your "blog" ... as well as ... trying to go to get some sleep (change the decor and/or arrangement of your bedroom???? Switch bedrooms with one of your kids????) ... I know, I know ... much easier said than done !!!!! Anyway ... my friend ... Nighty Night!!!

 
At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Annie,
The day my Dad died I said the strangest thing, as some would think, I said, "I don't want this day to end." I remember hearing it come out of my own mouth and thought it odd. I I remember my reasoning for saying it. Because when that day ended I would have to say, "My dad died yesterday", then "He died a week ago, a year ago..." and in a way it made me feel like he would be farther away from me. So I understand your not wanting a day to end, even a difficult grieving day.
I am thankful you are able to express your beautiful, grieving heart. Oh praise the Lord that "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
with much love, Nancy (novak)

 

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