Star-Crossed

The Griefshare ministry is so very helpful. If one wants an education on their own grief walk ("what does it mean to grieve?") or on grieving in order to help someone else, then this is the material with which to be familiar. I haven't been to the Griefshare class yet, but I receive a daily email devotional. Short, but profound.

I'm not really sure where I am. There is saddness I carry, but there have been some neat things in the past couple of days. Nothing like starting back to work and the first day is the first of 3 days (4 seatings) of our biggest women's event of the year. Some ladies bring family, some neighbors, and some bring people who have blessed their lives. They bring them to say thank you, to share Jesus, to give their time and share fellowship at a wonderful evening. I think the guests could easily feel like stars.

I feel so loved right now. I walked out of the building and into the chill of the clear night. It was almost like God didn't want anything in the way of Him and me. The lighted cross on the Worship center appeared almost separate from the building itself and part of the night sky. Other stars shone at different points above and beyond the cross. One sparkled with a blue that makes me feel like a kid inside, "Hey, look at THAT star!" Pause. "Why is it blue?"

Earlier in the evening I had the privilege of seeing an old friend, ladies who helped paint my house, and some young ladies attending their very first Christmas Extravaganza. I watched a group of men serve the ladies with grace and joy. I had ladies talk to me about Michael. (Hmmmm...long thoughts about him serving the ladies last year.) Sometimes people apologize about not having talked to me sooner, but the more time goes by I see that their timing is actually the right timing. If they need to learn a different way, God is big enough to show them how to be the next time. Sometimes they are dealing with their own stuff and lack the strength to say anything earlier...it's in His time. I suppose it is much like my own inability in these days, to remember other people's birthdays or remember that they have losses which envelop their hearts right now.

When I arrived home and got out of my car I looked to the sky. There were those same stars that I saw over at the church. Still there, still shining bright, no power cord...still in the same order. I can't help but see the cross intersecting those stars...bridging the gap some how. A touch of the Creator deliberately reaching out to His creation.

An intersection. Like a cross. At an intersection one must make a decision. Either go through it, whether that is straight, left, or right, or, take a detour. It reminds me of that...ick...grieving process. In any case, one has to go THROUGH the intersection. You can't really go around it. I suppose one can take a detour, but he or she would eventually have to come back to the intersection. Detours just delay the process.

If stars were a road map we'd be pretty safe with their direction because they are always the same. I said in the beginning I didn't really know where I was. The thing I am confident about is that on this vast earth, I feel connected to the God who created all this around me...the people, the heavens, the cross. Ah, what will we do with the cross? How does it fit with the God in the heavens...and then with us here on earth. Could it be love? Beyond the facades of the man-made lights, the shiny displays in stores, the lights and decorations going up on houses all around...there is a truth that one has to come back to...

An historical truth. A spiritual truth. A baby. A baby Who brought LOVE into the world. One day we will all have to come back to this intersection. If we detoured at the "intersection" at some point in our lives...we have to come back and make a choice.

I'm choosing to embrace the love. The God Who IS love. He comforts the pain. He covers a multitude of sin. He restores my perspective of life beyond this daily glaring reminder that my best friend no longer walks this earthly road with me. Michael made me feel like a star. He built bridges in our relationship when we felt we were at different places...he crossed bridges with me when we went to new places. Beyond the bridges he built in our relationship, he was a bridge-builder for others. He connected children to the Creator, to laughter, to relationship. He connected our children to unconditional love. He connected adults to the One who could help them through tough times, to the child inside them, to the One who could bring peace to their out-of-control lives. A special bridge he built was to the heart of a cancer patient when he had her shave HIS head...a connection of 'sharing the road'...sharing the journey...like with the people he 'shared the road with on bikes.' (Both in the gym and out in the country or riding for the Diabetes foundation.) For now, in this time and space, the only bridges he can actually build are with the stars...they continue to "twinkle in our world."

It's late...I guess my thoughts have crossed into the "infinity and beyond zone" and some of you may be wanting to call the funny farm. I'm sure there is plenty of grammar I could fix but I'm getting a little cross-eyed. Smile. I appreciate you so much. I don't know who all of you are, but I know you're out there...you share with me along the way...STARS in my life...sharing some direction and sparkle when the days are dark.

Annie
p.s. just remembering my brother...it's been 18 years to the day when he took his journey...