At Home...One Year Later

This entry will be just doodles...random thoughts perhaps as I reflect on the anniversary of Michael's journey to his heavenly home.

The day prior was so busy I had to make almost a minute by minute chart for all of us. I had to connect other friends with my kids for rides to places. The women's ministry made boxes of blessings for all the people who serve in children's ministry. God was so gracious in giving us this idea. We were able to pull off the secret for most of the 281 teachers and staff. (delivered them on Sunday...the 14th)

Back to the long day....layed my head on my pillow at 11:14 and the tears began. There was a half full...or half empty glass on the dresser. Once one, now one...single. Content perhaps...but growing up I never imagined myself being single. Singles have a lot of freedom...and some powerfully overwhelming responsibilites at times...to say "no" to all the needs they see...to find balance in their time. I can see why there is a struggle on both sides of the fence. Blessings in the obedience...on both sides.

As I cried, I felt like a levee about to give way...but, like I told a friend, the angels must have hurried me on to sleep. I woke up very drained...like I had been crying for some time. On my drive to the church I kept hearing this phrase in my head, "...in the land of the living." As I pondered, I turned on the radio to the tune..."Come, Now is the Time to Worship..." To give our hearts...to reach outside of ourselves...to share the blessing that God has given to us.

I was so blessed to see the 'receiving faces' of those to whom we gave a box. The heaviness of my heart was lifted by sweet remembrances of/by friends and a looking to hope. God has blessed me with sweet promises of hope.

I ran back to get the kids after the 1st service deliveries. I stopped for coffee on the way...just for me....just to go slow...pondering. The kids greeted me with 2 mother's day cards. One was a card Michael bought last year and he never had the kids sign it. We weren't too obsessed with giving cards when the calendar said. Nonetheless...when I found the card after Michael's journey, I gave it to the kids for safe keeping until this year. My daughter also made me a card.

During the 2nd service...I stopped for a time in the busy plaza, caught off guard by little ones newly walking...realizing they will never know Pastor Mike on this side...he would be down at their level asking them how they like exploring this big world on their new walking legs. Our 2nd crawled at 4 1/2 months....maybe to chase? get away from? big brother???? All 4, however, walked within a week of their first birthday.

The children's ministry staff served Oreos to the kids in honor of Michael. They remember. They are a gift to my life. I am grateful for them. They have borne up well with the weight of the task God layed before them. I still haven't found the "10 commandments of eating Oreos" that Michael wrote...but when I do...I will share it.

The third service was interesting to me. As we reloaded the cart with boxes, I felt some sharp pains in my chest....like the piercing of a needle right under my breastbone. It did not alarm me, just surprised me. It went away for about 30 seconds and returned....going away about 1 minute later. When I got to service I realized those pains were the same time as Michael declared "HOME." More tears. I sat with Tony and Alexia. Grateful for that...just right.

Reflections from time prior to box delivery at eve. service:

The air is so thick that it is hard to hear the birds. The busy Sunday morning action has stilled in the plaza. My mind instantly pictures one of those time-lapse photography pieces where there are people moving all over and then towards the end of the piece the action slows and stops...maybe a person crosses here or there. It was just me...but sensing God's amazing presence all around. The day was. The day was...coming to a close.

Got home to some sweet calls, but had an important date with my kids. My friend Lois reminded me that it has been my year with them. I don't like that thought, but at some point we capture reality and embrace it or surrender our joy and contentment. Pastor Jim and Linda called...and Lois. Heading to return those calls when we returned from dinner...the phone interrupted the direction. It was my friend Carol who lives in Germany...a nice way to end a DAY. It was...a day.

I was ready to hit the hay...my 4th child was up coughing, getting ready to toss his cookies...and just plain not sleeping. What do good mothers do? Make sure they have a bucket and go back to sleep....or lay awake listening...being ready... Are we ready for Home?

Year two. Does it need a designation. More things to learn...
Blessed to be learning with you and walking with you...one year later.

in His mercy and grace,
AnnieB